It’s mid-November, which means that I have already watched approximately 32 million Hallmark Christmas movies. My mind has become flirtin’ and fallin’ in love montages, festive small town B-roll, and first kisses in the snow. Naturally, I often find myself wandering into the strange world that is just beyond the blurred Christmas lights that are always behind the actors’ heads, and am transported to a land of infinite possibilities: The Land of Hallmark Christmas Movies Yet to Come.
Lately, I’ve been so hypnotized by those lights that I think I’ve accidentally moved there. My new address?
I love to get mail, fyi.
In The Land of Hallmark Christmas Movies Yet to Come, flickering lights from a log fire dance on my face as I kick back in a red velvet recliner, sip on hot chocolate, and imagine the Hallmark Christmas movies of my dreams.
Today, I will share with you my dream cast.
******If any of you Hallmark big wigs (maybe even a medium wig) see this and cast this combination of actors into a movie, at least send me a Balsam Hill tree, Matchmaker Santa on DVD, and $20,000.******
Here it goes.
Kimberly Sustad as Female Lead #1. I don’t care what her character’s name is. I don’t care what her character’s occupation is. I don’t care if her character lives in a house or an apartment or a barn. Kimberly Sustad just needs to be the lead! She was so refreshing in The Nine Lives of Christmas. She was honest, funny, and a complete natural. She was unlike any Hallmark lead I had seen before, and needs to be Hallmark’s poster child. When I saw the lineup of 2017 Christmas movies, the first thing I did was check to see if she was the lead in one of them. I am still crying over the fact she isn’t in one this year.
Brooke D’Orsay as Female Lead #2. I mean? Duh. I first saw her in How to Fall in Love, and thought she was so charming. And, have you seen the newest gem in the Hallmark Christmas Movie canon, Miss Christmas? She could have chemistry with a toaster. Like, she could actually have a long conversation with a toaster about how her life isn’t where she thought it would be, and how she shouldn’t have wasted so much time with ex-bf so-and-so, and how she should’ve bought green and red wrapping paper not just plain red wrapping paper and I would be so entertained. I’m thinking about it right now, and I’d totally watch that movie!
Autumn Reeser as Male Lead’s Sister. Yes, I know. Autumn Reeser deserves top billing, but this movie is getting expensive. If you need any proof that she needs to be in this hypothetical movie, just grab some egg nog and watch Love at the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Pure magic.
Andrew W. Walker as Male Lead #1. A Bride for Christmas solidified him as a Hallmark fave of mine. He’s one of the only actors who can play ultra confident, but not make me want to smack him in the face. Like… in A Bride for Christmas he bet his friends that he could convince a woman to marry him in a month, and I still rooted for him????? What???????? Also, I had so much fun watching Dashing Through the Snow. He was wonderful in that!
Paul Campbell as Male Lead #2. Where is he this year? Yes, I see he was in one of those summer movies, but that’s not enough. He can’t wear a scarf, or flannel shirt, or a nice Christmas sweater in a summer movie! Really, I know that does not matter. Really, all I have to say is he is funny and adorable, so make the funny and adorable guy the lead in another Countdown to Christmas title! C’mon!
Jonathan Adams as Santa. While writing my recap and review of The Sweetest Christmas, I realized that he would be the PERFECT Santa. He has this judgmental stare that could make naughty/nice list decisions in a matter of seconds. Mainly, Jonathan Adams is just so delightful. In “The Sweetest Christmas” he brought comedic relief, but also warmth and wisdom as the protective friend. And, I think a beard would suit him. If that’s not Santa, I don’t know what is! I even started a hashtag that I’ve used twice on Twitter, #JonathanAdams4Santa2018. It hasn’t generated much buzz, but I blame that on the fact that I, at this point in time, have 10 followers.
Me as an Extra. I am casting myself as the extra who is completely overacting in the background of every scene. The extra who is reeeeaaaaallllly enjoying their waffles in a booth in the main characters’ favorite diner. The extra who is so shocked at the prices in the background of a trip to a Christmas tree farm. The extra who has her finger in her ear and adding runs to her parts while caroling. The extra who is eavesdropping on a scene and contorting her face to show that she is super invested in everything the lead actors say. I would be perfect at this because I cannot control my facial expressions, and would be so great at distracting viewers. I think I just found my calling.
This movie would be awesome, but also would cost about 33 million dollars to make. Maybe I’ll make a Kickstarter.
Stay tuned for the next Hallmark Hypotheticals post where I dive into the plot of this perfectly cast movie!
Please subscribe, and let me know your dream cast in the comments 🙂